A door slams, screams exchanged.
A mother that lies, thoughts deranged.
A child that cries, becoming insane.
Aware of the beast,
Aware of the lies
Aware of the treats that are just a way to compromise.
A mixed baby both black and white, being directed on whats wrong and whats right.
Shaped and molded like a piece of clay, momma works hard everyday, for a piece of cash, peace at last.
Peace to overcome the beast, peace to overcome the game
the stories and lies that can't be made true, family loosing structure like melting glue, even the church bells now will not save you, it's time to tell the truth.
To be real,
To be honest,
To come together to form a promise
A promise of trust,
A promise to you
A promise that it will work out,
no matter the game,
there will be a clue.
Monday, April 25, 2011
black dot in the hand
While sitting in my yoga room, I heard my mom in the next room over walking up my nephew, Kalvin. She said ...hi bud, and I began to write.
Hi bud.
I'm high bud.
Sunlight glow bug.
Coffee drinkin mug.
Smile from above as the emotions flow and shift in me, love.
Resist or not,
Breathe is hot
The ego is showing through, in the now, on the dot,
Center of hand, center to breath
Center to notice, center to let leave
Center to accept, center to allow
Center to observe, center to know how
Know how to color
Know how to say
Know how to speak, letting words leak,
smiling cheek to cheek, silently sitting, on the ground,
connected to the ever evolving sound
the sound of waves crashing down,
the sounds of a chocolate meltdown,
the sound of brown,
the sound of blue,
the sound of breathe moving through,
what does silence have to say to you and will there ever be ....an eternal destiny
the home of the wise where the love sets us free
can you and me
travel in our sleep to release the jealousy-the ego mind- that holds us kept in this box- we'll soon forget..
remember! how to move
remember to groove in the joys of laughs and chunkles,
momma daddy pappa uncle brother cousin boyfriend husband love her leave her off her feet sweep her
sister mister girlfriend kissed her, beautiful eyes, just like her momma
momma, daddy left her,
baby boy is the cure
become smiles
develop style
a walk, a step,
a time to collect- the pieces
to connect- the dots
to contact- the center
to observe- the thoughts
and then your back and then your sane, and then it's no longer that confusing psychedelic game
the colors have formed a rainbow for you
to show your walk
and show your groove
dancing under a skyline of colors that shine,
shineeeee
Hi bud.
I'm high bud.
Sunlight glow bug.
Coffee drinkin mug.
Smile from above as the emotions flow and shift in me, love.
Resist or not,
Breathe is hot
The ego is showing through, in the now, on the dot,
Center of hand, center to breath
Center to notice, center to let leave
Center to accept, center to allow
Center to observe, center to know how
Know how to color
Know how to say
Know how to speak, letting words leak,
smiling cheek to cheek, silently sitting, on the ground,
connected to the ever evolving sound
the sound of waves crashing down,
the sounds of a chocolate meltdown,
the sound of brown,
the sound of blue,
the sound of breathe moving through,
what does silence have to say to you and will there ever be ....an eternal destiny
the home of the wise where the love sets us free
can you and me
travel in our sleep to release the jealousy-the ego mind- that holds us kept in this box- we'll soon forget..
remember! how to move
remember to groove in the joys of laughs and chunkles,
momma daddy pappa uncle brother cousin boyfriend husband love her leave her off her feet sweep her
sister mister girlfriend kissed her, beautiful eyes, just like her momma
momma, daddy left her,
baby boy is the cure
become smiles
develop style
a walk, a step,
a time to collect- the pieces
to connect- the dots
to contact- the center
to observe- the thoughts
and then your back and then your sane, and then it's no longer that confusing psychedelic game
the colors have formed a rainbow for you
to show your walk
and show your groove
dancing under a skyline of colors that shine,
shineeeee
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A peek behind the eyelids
A peek behind the eye lids and this is what I see.
It all starts on a hill, looking up I see gray rocks the size of buildings staring back at me, except they have no eyes, only faces. We walk, me and a boy that is. I'm not sure of his name, only his size, and he is tall, with hair down past his ears. I follow him close behind as we walk on the faces of rocks up to the top, of whats unsure. I'm unsure. I don't know where I am and not too sure of what is waiting for me beyond these faces. I only really have two options; to keep walking with this unnamed fella, or to turn around and walk down by myself. Without hesitation, I keep walking, up and up.
In the distance I hear the sounds of machines and people working. A reminder: we are deep in the wilderness with only trees to be seen. What and where are these machines? I look at my feet as I walk, and the next time I look up I see old friends from high school and college, all boys, working, or perhaps playing. There is what seems to be a disassembled white jeep that they are rigging up. There are doors scattered, windows, and a ginger boy with hair to his shoulders welding some metal. I think to myself, how in the hell.... How did they get this jeep up here?
We keep walking...that is the boy and I.
Down the hill, to the other side, we end up in a field, that seems quite familiar to me. It appears to be some type of music festival. There are crowds of people, most of which I don't know by name. I stumble upon my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, all sitting in those portable chairs that people bring to BBQ's. Except it is not a BBQ, its more like a get drunk and celebrate type of gathering, a BYOB type of gathering. Most everyone I see has a beer in there hand, and a smile on there face. Laughing, drinking, chatting, throwing words back and forth as they sip down a nice cold one. To keep their hands from getting cold as they sit, in those damn portable chairs, they make use of coozie's, around their brews. Keeping them nice and cold, as the sun shines, and they sit. Sit and laugh. Sit and chat. Sit and sip on brews.
I am not talking, just observing. I don't have the power of voice, not just yet.
Silently, I continue to walk around the field, and suddenly, there are no longer all the people, there is no more field. There is no more laughter, portable chairs, cold beers and coozie's and I am in a mall. A mall of shoes. There are handfuls of shoe stores, shoes on tables, on shelves, shoes all around, surrounding me and my mom. My mom is the only one I know. In the mall full of shoes, my mom and I are the only ones shopping. Shopping for what, I'm not too sure, but it must be a pair of shoes. I don't remember needing shoes, or having shoes on my feet. I''m not too sure about my mom.
I wonder off as mom shops and make my way to the top floor of this shoe mall to find a room, wide open, with one boy, again a ginger, dancing. The floor is tiled, off white, the walls wooden brown. There is no one here that I see besides the ginger, dancing, to music that I don't hear. He is moving his hands making shapes, but not moving his body much. I watch. I don't dance. I'm not much of a dancer you could say. I stand, and observe. There are more people filling in. One girl is wearing a too-too, you know like the ballerina's do. Except it is not pink, but orange and black. Perhaps its halloween, but I don't see any masks. I do see faces, but can't seem to make them out. The ginger starts moving his feet, making his way to the girl, dancing, seductively, in the too-too. He is right behind her. I am sitting on the bar, watching. The girl bends over, moving her hips in big circles, shes got no panties on. Just the orange and black too-too, that shows off her skin, and her hips are swaying...to the music? I still can't her. The ginger standing behind her seems to be into her as he is calling animal calls, barking, loud, for me to hear, and the girl in the too-too. She must know she is turning him on, as she keeps moving her hips, around and around, getting excited too. He reaches towards her, cops a feel, and then walks towards me at the bar. All within an instant.
He stands behind me, as I sit. We pass looks back and forth but no words. When I look away from his eyes, I see a man, with dreads down to his chest, half well formed, and half not, walking towards us. I make eye contact, and think to myself he is pretty cute. "Hey, I'm Chris" he says. Still, eyes locked, I say my name is Julie. And the ginger behind me ...his name is Camden.
I'm Julie. I'm Julie. I introduced myself, behind my eye lids. My body begins to wake up as my eyes open to take in colors and shapes.
Was that all a dream?
It all starts on a hill, looking up I see gray rocks the size of buildings staring back at me, except they have no eyes, only faces. We walk, me and a boy that is. I'm not sure of his name, only his size, and he is tall, with hair down past his ears. I follow him close behind as we walk on the faces of rocks up to the top, of whats unsure. I'm unsure. I don't know where I am and not too sure of what is waiting for me beyond these faces. I only really have two options; to keep walking with this unnamed fella, or to turn around and walk down by myself. Without hesitation, I keep walking, up and up.
In the distance I hear the sounds of machines and people working. A reminder: we are deep in the wilderness with only trees to be seen. What and where are these machines? I look at my feet as I walk, and the next time I look up I see old friends from high school and college, all boys, working, or perhaps playing. There is what seems to be a disassembled white jeep that they are rigging up. There are doors scattered, windows, and a ginger boy with hair to his shoulders welding some metal. I think to myself, how in the hell.... How did they get this jeep up here?
We keep walking...that is the boy and I.
Down the hill, to the other side, we end up in a field, that seems quite familiar to me. It appears to be some type of music festival. There are crowds of people, most of which I don't know by name. I stumble upon my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, all sitting in those portable chairs that people bring to BBQ's. Except it is not a BBQ, its more like a get drunk and celebrate type of gathering, a BYOB type of gathering. Most everyone I see has a beer in there hand, and a smile on there face. Laughing, drinking, chatting, throwing words back and forth as they sip down a nice cold one. To keep their hands from getting cold as they sit, in those damn portable chairs, they make use of coozie's, around their brews. Keeping them nice and cold, as the sun shines, and they sit. Sit and laugh. Sit and chat. Sit and sip on brews.
I am not talking, just observing. I don't have the power of voice, not just yet.
Silently, I continue to walk around the field, and suddenly, there are no longer all the people, there is no more field. There is no more laughter, portable chairs, cold beers and coozie's and I am in a mall. A mall of shoes. There are handfuls of shoe stores, shoes on tables, on shelves, shoes all around, surrounding me and my mom. My mom is the only one I know. In the mall full of shoes, my mom and I are the only ones shopping. Shopping for what, I'm not too sure, but it must be a pair of shoes. I don't remember needing shoes, or having shoes on my feet. I''m not too sure about my mom.
I wonder off as mom shops and make my way to the top floor of this shoe mall to find a room, wide open, with one boy, again a ginger, dancing. The floor is tiled, off white, the walls wooden brown. There is no one here that I see besides the ginger, dancing, to music that I don't hear. He is moving his hands making shapes, but not moving his body much. I watch. I don't dance. I'm not much of a dancer you could say. I stand, and observe. There are more people filling in. One girl is wearing a too-too, you know like the ballerina's do. Except it is not pink, but orange and black. Perhaps its halloween, but I don't see any masks. I do see faces, but can't seem to make them out. The ginger starts moving his feet, making his way to the girl, dancing, seductively, in the too-too. He is right behind her. I am sitting on the bar, watching. The girl bends over, moving her hips in big circles, shes got no panties on. Just the orange and black too-too, that shows off her skin, and her hips are swaying...to the music? I still can't her. The ginger standing behind her seems to be into her as he is calling animal calls, barking, loud, for me to hear, and the girl in the too-too. She must know she is turning him on, as she keeps moving her hips, around and around, getting excited too. He reaches towards her, cops a feel, and then walks towards me at the bar. All within an instant.
He stands behind me, as I sit. We pass looks back and forth but no words. When I look away from his eyes, I see a man, with dreads down to his chest, half well formed, and half not, walking towards us. I make eye contact, and think to myself he is pretty cute. "Hey, I'm Chris" he says. Still, eyes locked, I say my name is Julie. And the ginger behind me ...his name is Camden.
I'm Julie. I'm Julie. I introduced myself, behind my eye lids. My body begins to wake up as my eyes open to take in colors and shapes.
Was that all a dream?
Monday, April 11, 2011
elastic love trance
A poem inspired by Matt Ellis and the courage to be oh so sexy ....
Heres my attempt...
My pen explodes blue ink
as birds glide through blue skies
a surprise smile from another pair of eyes ...passes
someone in the kitchen must be cooking meat pies ..I smell
as they tell lies about a sunday surprise ...I yell
can you come to a compromise of stories and past lives
come to sit and sip
on whiskey
lick lips
pass hits
of a love wave that crashes as you misbehave
there is no stopping once your deep in the cave of darkness
behind eyelids hiding until time is just right for the fire to ignite
the feeling that builds and builds and builds
and spills...
over on the sands of a beautiful romance
away with the pants
as hips do a dance
captivated by an elastic trance
beyond understanding with the mind
the feeling is just fine
of becoming completely aligned
with another pair of hips, that dance to the rhythms of dips
and drums
as hands glide on bums
softly
and a game of give and take takes place
animal fights to make use of the space
on all fours I crawl to you,
and call to you
you call to me and try to be
the animal inside of me
baby can you and me be animals and do it like they do in the wild
free like a child
to slide on the grounds
to pass the love around
forget the discovery channel
and tune into me.
Heres my attempt...
My pen explodes blue ink
as birds glide through blue skies
a surprise smile from another pair of eyes ...passes
someone in the kitchen must be cooking meat pies ..I smell
as they tell lies about a sunday surprise ...I yell
can you come to a compromise of stories and past lives
come to sit and sip
on whiskey
lick lips
pass hits
of a love wave that crashes as you misbehave
there is no stopping once your deep in the cave of darkness
behind eyelids hiding until time is just right for the fire to ignite
the feeling that builds and builds and builds
and spills...
over on the sands of a beautiful romance
away with the pants
as hips do a dance
captivated by an elastic trance
beyond understanding with the mind
the feeling is just fine
of becoming completely aligned
with another pair of hips, that dance to the rhythms of dips
and drums
as hands glide on bums
softly
and a game of give and take takes place
animal fights to make use of the space
on all fours I crawl to you,
and call to you
you call to me and try to be
the animal inside of me
baby can you and me be animals and do it like they do in the wild
free like a child
to slide on the grounds
to pass the love around
forget the discovery channel
and tune into me.
Colorado flow ...
So this I have yet to reedit ....
On the streets I stand and see. My eyes preceive lucious mountains and aspen trees. The trees so yellow, and then naked like a child. Free swaying in the harsh breeze; on the streets I stand and see
people walking
people talking
people moving
people shopping.
as I travel on the road, roaming, without a home, I walk and stop to talk,
I walk and stop to look,
at all the people.
The people laughing, both tall and small,
the people buying, a disco ball
to dance their dance and move to the rhythm that they so choose.
I step with my feet, on the rocks, in aspen park, the roads are dark with swarms of people, red lights and cars, hotels and steeples. Libraries so large, police in police cars and me, stepping with my feet. Left, right, left, right, I look and see you, me, and a rock. I jump, I hop, from rock to rock and find myself reading a poem about love. Rocks scaterred on the grass so green, leaves blowing in the breeze, the sun shining down on me.
Rivers flowing on and on, sunsets, snowfalls on the lawn, and all is white. Light! A magical winter wonderland. Reflections sparkle, snowflakes fall to build a wall of white.
On the streets I stand and see. My eyes preceive lucious mountains and aspen trees. The trees so yellow, and then naked like a child. Free swaying in the harsh breeze; on the streets I stand and see
people walking
people talking
people moving
people shopping.
as I travel on the road, roaming, without a home, I walk and stop to talk,
I walk and stop to look,
at all the people.
The people laughing, both tall and small,
the people buying, a disco ball
to dance their dance and move to the rhythm that they so choose.
I step with my feet, on the rocks, in aspen park, the roads are dark with swarms of people, red lights and cars, hotels and steeples. Libraries so large, police in police cars and me, stepping with my feet. Left, right, left, right, I look and see you, me, and a rock. I jump, I hop, from rock to rock and find myself reading a poem about love. Rocks scaterred on the grass so green, leaves blowing in the breeze, the sun shining down on me.
Rivers flowing on and on, sunsets, snowfalls on the lawn, and all is white. Light! A magical winter wonderland. Reflections sparkle, snowflakes fall to build a wall of white.
seperate mind in time
No need to judge, that is just your mind.
No need to criticize or compare, that is just your mind.
No need to push ideas on others, for we all have a mind.
Let it all go, forget the separation, and let it all flow.
No need to criticize or compare, that is just your mind.
No need to push ideas on others, for we all have a mind.
Let it all go, forget the separation, and let it all flow.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Unconscious flow
So I don't ever edit my poems, I more use my right brain to flow ...
Just a little about me. So if they don't make sense, it's okay, perhaps they aren't meant to.
As I breathe, shifting from standing to sitting, standing to sitting; I choose a place to see and be still, noticing a child of god in from of me. Tossing out words freely to the rhythm of a heart beat. Bom bom. Bom bom. Captivated by the lighting that strikes and shows its power on the microphone, penetrating skin, muscle, bone. Not that type of power that desires for more, but revitalizing like a cold cup of water after running, and running, and running. Stop, to drink in the beauty of being ....being....authentic. Refreshed like a child after seeing a bird fly high in the bright blue sky that is painted ever so delicately by the hands of God. The hands of you, soft, two shades of colors, one blood; uniting me to you and you and I to that bird in the sky. Delicately painted skin, given, gifts that make us who we are.
Just a little about me. So if they don't make sense, it's okay, perhaps they aren't meant to.
As I breathe, shifting from standing to sitting, standing to sitting; I choose a place to see and be still, noticing a child of god in from of me. Tossing out words freely to the rhythm of a heart beat. Bom bom. Bom bom. Captivated by the lighting that strikes and shows its power on the microphone, penetrating skin, muscle, bone. Not that type of power that desires for more, but revitalizing like a cold cup of water after running, and running, and running. Stop, to drink in the beauty of being ....being....authentic. Refreshed like a child after seeing a bird fly high in the bright blue sky that is painted ever so delicately by the hands of God. The hands of you, soft, two shades of colors, one blood; uniting me to you and you and I to that bird in the sky. Delicately painted skin, given, gifts that make us who we are.
To a poet
No resistance, where all minds are intertwined, within one where the universe dwells, far beyond captivating mind spells, there is a gentle ringing of sweet soothing bells. Can you hear it? As the winds howl around the earth bowl there is a soul, that dances, on the tips of her toes, proud. Truth be told, I am no different than you and sweet thing you are beautiful. As I greet your dark deep eyes; I step outside to view the night and stars as they shine, telling me I am divine. Vulnerable and naked for all to see the light, shine on, You are divine.
To all my Kripalu family :)
Stepping into the doors of Kripalu after frustration arouse on the road driving with mom, dad, and John. The damn GPS, this voice telling us what directions to drive, how annoying! To my knowledge now I have such a similar voice in my head, screaming and telling me which directions to go. The journey I was about to embark on is a journey that can not be captivated as I sit here now, through the medium of words and with the mind. The journey was a heart felt journey; leading with the heart forwards.
At first glance Kripalu seemed big and intimidating; stepping in the doors did not change my thoughts. I was nervous, and flustered with the massive amounts of people. I stepped outside to nature as she always has a way ground me. Now is the time to find my room, deep breathes. Sleeping in a dorm with 20 ladies my critic had many thoughts. 20 ladies! How could I ever? How would I sleep, find myself, my rest. Questions swarming my mind like bees on a nest. I found my room, I found my bed, and introduced myself to my new roomates, that I could have never imagined becoming so close with. Ah...
Stepping into Shadowbrook, the room of transformation, it seemed so big, so white, and open. As we gathered in a circle to peer around the room I was again, nervous; what was going to happen this month? How was I going to be changed? A book title; how in the hell do I come up with a book title?! But then it came to me, it came to me, as I slowly began to surrender all the goodness came to me. I was sitting in a circle of strangers; my teachers said that by the end of this process we would all no longer be strangers, but we would all be very strange. Well yes...people are strange ...and I am too.
Right away the journey within started, right away we moved, grooved, and danced to the music and with one another. Dancing with all these strangers ..Hey! I've done this before at festivals, this ain't so bad. What better a way to get to know people? The dancing shared with fellow strangers the first night was no like the dancing at festivals what so ever. What intimate connections were formed then and thereafter.
Mornings; a time to settle in and find center before the upcoming events of the day, which could never be understood by the mind, it seemed the illusion was sinking in regarding this concept of "time". Settling in with these 60 people, who I slowly began to feel more comfortable with. I slowly began to feel safe in the space, and yet I still could not have imagined what I was in for. How this month would move me, transform me, and teach me that all I have been searching for sits within. There was certainly moments of doubt, but the words trust the process continued to resonate in me. Trust the process Julie, you can't give up just yet. I'm young, fragile, and vulnerable, sitting in a group of people that I barely know. Here I am. Here we are. What in the hell are these other people thinking?
Confirmed, time is elastic. Week one passes. Fast as lighting; it lite up my mind, body, and soul with how much I had learned so fast and then, week 2 arrived. What just happened to me in week one? All of this beautiful information that is settling into every inch of my body, permeating my cells, blood, and bones. I'm starting to feel more at home. I'm starting to sleep easy at night; with how much work one day is, it becomes easier to let go and rest. There is nothing to do when I lay in my bed at night, there is no where to go.
Moment by moment, and day by day, I learn, I laugh, I certainly cry, and love. The volume is being turned up. There is much that is release, I have thoughts I must be better. What else can be release, haven't I cried enough already? I had no idea that crying is natural at Kripalu, accepted and understood. I'm sitting admist the chaos in myself and learning to not resist. Not resist who I am, and again, not resist the process. If not now when, If not now, when Julie? When will you give your all to something.
As I start let go, I start to change, I begin to surprise myself. My hands never looked so complete, and I had never looked at them with such awe. I had never starred into the eyes of another with such an open heart, willing to give and willing to receive, fully. I have never screamed I love you so loud to a friend, brother, Adam that sat next to me in circle the first night. Perhaps afraid to touch knees, I know I was. But all of a sudden, I am screaming, from the depths of my being, I love you to Adam. Ok...Yes this is happen. There is no chance of turning back now.
Throughout all the tears, smiles, laughs, and frustration I was being changed. I was changing, and I was changing others. These strangers that I sat in circle with the first night were becoming my brothers and sisters, some of the only people that to this day will somewhat understand what happened at Kripalu. Wait, what did happen at Kripalu? How has this month changed me. I am certainly different; often finding myself in fascination with the way I speak, with my voice. Perhaps it was the day of silence that made me appreciate words. Perhaps it was holding Setu Bandhasana that made me recognize my strength of both body, and mind. Perhaps it was looking into the eyes of another that see's that made me realize what it is to actually SEE someone, and be seen. Yes, it was all of that. Yes, it was the co and reflective listening that made me realize what it is to truly be heard, and to truly listen. And now that I'm back home, with my witness; as my friends talk to me I observe my inner dialogue. "Oh Julie, won't you stop and actually listen!!" Remember, compassion; self observation with compassion! How joyful it is to know the capabilities of the mind, body, and soul. To know that each and every one of us is infinite, eternal, and whole.
By the end of the month long journey Shadowbrook was still big; being a place of where big dreams of transformation came true, and it was still open; open to the willingness of being changed, open to surrendering to the plays of the universe, open to trusting the process. Throughout the array of emotions, ups and downs, smiles and frowns, my brothers, sisters, and I persevered. We made it. We did it. I know I gave my all to shaking, to sustaining (not holding), to breathing, to being authentically me. And I am still changing, trying to keep up with what I am today, who I am today, and the power I have that sits deep within.
To all my Kripalu family, thank you and god bless you for trusting the process, and taking the journey within to reveal the layers of self. The many layers of self. Going deep within to discover that the cosmos sit at the base of the spine where the breathe breaths, and all life stems from. It eases my mind to know that as I look at the elegant stars each night I am looking at each one of you, shining your light beam of sweetness, sukha, down on me. And as the moon sits still, may you be at ease, knowing that I am shining my light back on you. Knowing that this nature is rooted within us, may we stay rooted within our mother and open to the waters that flow; fast and slow. JAI!
At first glance Kripalu seemed big and intimidating; stepping in the doors did not change my thoughts. I was nervous, and flustered with the massive amounts of people. I stepped outside to nature as she always has a way ground me. Now is the time to find my room, deep breathes. Sleeping in a dorm with 20 ladies my critic had many thoughts. 20 ladies! How could I ever? How would I sleep, find myself, my rest. Questions swarming my mind like bees on a nest. I found my room, I found my bed, and introduced myself to my new roomates, that I could have never imagined becoming so close with. Ah...
Stepping into Shadowbrook, the room of transformation, it seemed so big, so white, and open. As we gathered in a circle to peer around the room I was again, nervous; what was going to happen this month? How was I going to be changed? A book title; how in the hell do I come up with a book title?! But then it came to me, it came to me, as I slowly began to surrender all the goodness came to me. I was sitting in a circle of strangers; my teachers said that by the end of this process we would all no longer be strangers, but we would all be very strange. Well yes...people are strange ...and I am too.
Right away the journey within started, right away we moved, grooved, and danced to the music and with one another. Dancing with all these strangers ..Hey! I've done this before at festivals, this ain't so bad. What better a way to get to know people? The dancing shared with fellow strangers the first night was no like the dancing at festivals what so ever. What intimate connections were formed then and thereafter.
Mornings; a time to settle in and find center before the upcoming events of the day, which could never be understood by the mind, it seemed the illusion was sinking in regarding this concept of "time". Settling in with these 60 people, who I slowly began to feel more comfortable with. I slowly began to feel safe in the space, and yet I still could not have imagined what I was in for. How this month would move me, transform me, and teach me that all I have been searching for sits within. There was certainly moments of doubt, but the words trust the process continued to resonate in me. Trust the process Julie, you can't give up just yet. I'm young, fragile, and vulnerable, sitting in a group of people that I barely know. Here I am. Here we are. What in the hell are these other people thinking?
Confirmed, time is elastic. Week one passes. Fast as lighting; it lite up my mind, body, and soul with how much I had learned so fast and then, week 2 arrived. What just happened to me in week one? All of this beautiful information that is settling into every inch of my body, permeating my cells, blood, and bones. I'm starting to feel more at home. I'm starting to sleep easy at night; with how much work one day is, it becomes easier to let go and rest. There is nothing to do when I lay in my bed at night, there is no where to go.
Moment by moment, and day by day, I learn, I laugh, I certainly cry, and love. The volume is being turned up. There is much that is release, I have thoughts I must be better. What else can be release, haven't I cried enough already? I had no idea that crying is natural at Kripalu, accepted and understood. I'm sitting admist the chaos in myself and learning to not resist. Not resist who I am, and again, not resist the process. If not now when, If not now, when Julie? When will you give your all to something.
As I start let go, I start to change, I begin to surprise myself. My hands never looked so complete, and I had never looked at them with such awe. I had never starred into the eyes of another with such an open heart, willing to give and willing to receive, fully. I have never screamed I love you so loud to a friend, brother, Adam that sat next to me in circle the first night. Perhaps afraid to touch knees, I know I was. But all of a sudden, I am screaming, from the depths of my being, I love you to Adam. Ok...Yes this is happen. There is no chance of turning back now.
Throughout all the tears, smiles, laughs, and frustration I was being changed. I was changing, and I was changing others. These strangers that I sat in circle with the first night were becoming my brothers and sisters, some of the only people that to this day will somewhat understand what happened at Kripalu. Wait, what did happen at Kripalu? How has this month changed me. I am certainly different; often finding myself in fascination with the way I speak, with my voice. Perhaps it was the day of silence that made me appreciate words. Perhaps it was holding Setu Bandhasana that made me recognize my strength of both body, and mind. Perhaps it was looking into the eyes of another that see's that made me realize what it is to actually SEE someone, and be seen. Yes, it was all of that. Yes, it was the co and reflective listening that made me realize what it is to truly be heard, and to truly listen. And now that I'm back home, with my witness; as my friends talk to me I observe my inner dialogue. "Oh Julie, won't you stop and actually listen!!" Remember, compassion; self observation with compassion! How joyful it is to know the capabilities of the mind, body, and soul. To know that each and every one of us is infinite, eternal, and whole.
By the end of the month long journey Shadowbrook was still big; being a place of where big dreams of transformation came true, and it was still open; open to the willingness of being changed, open to surrendering to the plays of the universe, open to trusting the process. Throughout the array of emotions, ups and downs, smiles and frowns, my brothers, sisters, and I persevered. We made it. We did it. I know I gave my all to shaking, to sustaining (not holding), to breathing, to being authentically me. And I am still changing, trying to keep up with what I am today, who I am today, and the power I have that sits deep within.
To all my Kripalu family, thank you and god bless you for trusting the process, and taking the journey within to reveal the layers of self. The many layers of self. Going deep within to discover that the cosmos sit at the base of the spine where the breathe breaths, and all life stems from. It eases my mind to know that as I look at the elegant stars each night I am looking at each one of you, shining your light beam of sweetness, sukha, down on me. And as the moon sits still, may you be at ease, knowing that I am shining my light back on you. Knowing that this nature is rooted within us, may we stay rooted within our mother and open to the waters that flow; fast and slow. JAI!
You ...People...
You statements, bright lights, and people.
Are you speaking to me, at me or through me.
You act like you know me and how I would feel.
I like to hear the ones that claim their own, know their own, own who they are, be who they are without holding back in fear of other people judging.
SO WHAT! if they judge; if you are you and true you have nothing to loose.
With this one body will you embody all that you take in and will you put out with the knowingness of what you are now, who you are NOW, now, now
in this moment
what mask do you have on, and what are you masking?
Are you happy sad, perhaps laughing or crying in the needless sorrows of yesterdays child.
Yesterdays child has passed away sweet one,
are you ready to let loose and have fun?
Are you speaking to me, at me or through me.
You act like you know me and how I would feel.
I like to hear the ones that claim their own, know their own, own who they are, be who they are without holding back in fear of other people judging.
SO WHAT! if they judge; if you are you and true you have nothing to loose.
With this one body will you embody all that you take in and will you put out with the knowingness of what you are now, who you are NOW, now, now
in this moment
what mask do you have on, and what are you masking?
Are you happy sad, perhaps laughing or crying in the needless sorrows of yesterdays child.
Yesterdays child has passed away sweet one,
are you ready to let loose and have fun?
Perfect
My hands pulse and beat a friendly beat like music through speakers that moves my body.
Body dancing in this time and space moving freely and soft, slow and fast and a sudden stop!
A drum beat pause,
a pause to breathe, connect with breath, as hands open and make moves.
As trees stay tall and rooted in the earth beneath, seemingly still but not...so...still...at...all.
The tree breathes, vibrates a certain beat just like you and I,
sun and moon,
mother and father,
and a daughter that looks up to wonder, to ponder.
WHY do we get caught in this delusion that we are something short of perfect nothing short of perfect we are perfect and bodies move and grow they hide and show you to the truth you are.
You are eternal,
ever lasting truth that sits on the tongue,
the heart that beats.
Embrace this truth, eternal, you are.
Body dancing in this time and space moving freely and soft, slow and fast and a sudden stop!
A drum beat pause,
a pause to breathe, connect with breath, as hands open and make moves.
As trees stay tall and rooted in the earth beneath, seemingly still but not...so...still...at...all.
The tree breathes, vibrates a certain beat just like you and I,
sun and moon,
mother and father,
and a daughter that looks up to wonder, to ponder.
WHY do we get caught in this delusion that we are something short of perfect nothing short of perfect we are perfect and bodies move and grow they hide and show you to the truth you are.
You are eternal,
ever lasting truth that sits on the tongue,
the heart that beats.
Embrace this truth, eternal, you are.
knotted delusion
No one else can tell you the rhythm of your heart beat or how it feels when you are true and real, compared to when you lie and steal. Hiding behind walls, looking for answers in a society where we are numbers, numbers, numbers, unjust and unfair being judged by knots in hair. Being judged by color of skin, cuts, and scars, when we are all here living, among the stars in skin. This skin covers us like an animals fur. This skin we all have. Embody a path with heart, a path that's smart, knowing nothing together can be far apart. Apart appears only by delusion and fear and this fogged mind wants to be clear. Listen to the rhythm of your heart, that sits in your skin, covered with cuts and scars, knowing that we all sit under the same stars. Listen to the rhythm of your heart when it speaks true and real, knowing the number is a number, number is a label, a story, a fiction, a fabel. We are more!
I love
I Love. I Love. I Love. Independence Love. Love your own. Be your own. Own who you choose to be. Be just who you are. Feel your heart. Heart leads, you follow. Heart and mind, breathe, deep and shallow. Dynamic to the change ...Breathe to know, the constant in the ebb and flow. Like a windmill in the gentle breeze, breathe guides, winds blow by, you may sit and cry and wonder why, why why...accept and understand where you are and where you stand.
I Love. I Love. I Love. Connected Love.
I Love. I Love. I Love. Connected Love.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Mind
Meditate- take a break from contemplating right and wrong to hear the sweet song.
Hundreds of angels are singing in your ear. You won't be able to hear them if mind is too loud, it must be quiet.
Picture yourself: in a house filled with babies, sweet, sleeping babies; how quiet would you be? Tip toe your way to a comfortable seat. Sit and listen, listen to all the angels singing in your ears. Om om om om om Brahma Vishnu Shiva
Hundreds of angels are singing in your ear. You won't be able to hear them if mind is too loud, it must be quiet.
Picture yourself: in a house filled with babies, sweet, sleeping babies; how quiet would you be? Tip toe your way to a comfortable seat. Sit and listen, listen to all the angels singing in your ears. Om om om om om Brahma Vishnu Shiva
Strawberry pie
A waitress comes over to the table.
What would you like, suga?
Uh....a glass of warm water with lemon and this strawberry pie here
She walks away ...
The pie is delicious,
so is the imagination
What would you like, suga?
Uh....a glass of warm water with lemon and this strawberry pie here
She walks away ...
The pie is delicious,
so is the imagination
Teach, Learn, Do.
To teach is to learn something new. The best way to learn is to do.
Leave behind what you thought and befriend your greatest self.
Teach to know how that self is express to others, and as you teach become fascinated with self expression.
How do you speak, with what words?
What tone do you use to project that soothing vibration?
Where do words come from, and who chooses?
Do you have control?
Be a scientist, experimenting with yourself. LIFE, the ultimate experiment.
And be playful, there are no mistakes, it's all just a game.
A deck of cards,
endless amounts of players,
and a black hole universe as the table.
Leave behind what you thought and befriend your greatest self.
Teach to know how that self is express to others, and as you teach become fascinated with self expression.
How do you speak, with what words?
What tone do you use to project that soothing vibration?
Where do words come from, and who chooses?
Do you have control?
Be a scientist, experimenting with yourself. LIFE, the ultimate experiment.
And be playful, there are no mistakes, it's all just a game.
A deck of cards,
endless amounts of players,
and a black hole universe as the table.
Mid summers imagination
We all want the same thing, our hearts long for the day when they can be truly happy.
He asked me ....
What are you waiting for sweet friend, if not now, when?
Are you waiting for the bolt of lighting to spark your imagination creating a sense of playfulness, bringing you back to that mid summer lighting storm. Standing out front of the house, looking up, neck hanging, weightlessly, as head lets loose to see the sky LIGHT up.
I say, why yes! Nature always has a way to captivate me and leave me feeling happy and calm.
He tells me, with a voice firm and proud- sweet child all this nature you see is you! And asks me to think, how am I different?
Well..... for one ...I am not so tall as those ever green trees!
Yes, but you are rooted and growing child!
Well... what about the birds, and the way they dance in the sky so sweetly?
My child! Your insides dance always to the delicious beat of your heart! Rain, sunshine, cloudy days are all you shown in different ways- your happiness, grief, delusion.
Look up to that luscious blue sky with confidence, knowing that you are no different.
Where does the sky end ....can you see? Can you find the place where sky becomes framed?
I'm trying, and trying, and trying to see! There is no end; is this a trick?
No tricks sweet child, just like this sky you have no end. There is no reason to frame yourself. You can not limit the limitless, you can not define the infinite. Beliefs and concepts are meant to be tried on, not died for ....and sweet child, you will never die.
He asked me ....
What are you waiting for sweet friend, if not now, when?
Are you waiting for the bolt of lighting to spark your imagination creating a sense of playfulness, bringing you back to that mid summer lighting storm. Standing out front of the house, looking up, neck hanging, weightlessly, as head lets loose to see the sky LIGHT up.
I say, why yes! Nature always has a way to captivate me and leave me feeling happy and calm.
He tells me, with a voice firm and proud- sweet child all this nature you see is you! And asks me to think, how am I different?
Well..... for one ...I am not so tall as those ever green trees!
Yes, but you are rooted and growing child!
Well... what about the birds, and the way they dance in the sky so sweetly?
My child! Your insides dance always to the delicious beat of your heart! Rain, sunshine, cloudy days are all you shown in different ways- your happiness, grief, delusion.
Look up to that luscious blue sky with confidence, knowing that you are no different.
Where does the sky end ....can you see? Can you find the place where sky becomes framed?
I'm trying, and trying, and trying to see! There is no end; is this a trick?
No tricks sweet child, just like this sky you have no end. There is no reason to frame yourself. You can not limit the limitless, you can not define the infinite. Beliefs and concepts are meant to be tried on, not died for ....and sweet child, you will never die.
Listen to
Go in and in ..
to the depths of the ocean-that sits in the belly
spins and spins...
as breathe moves and grows, hides and shows
you to your truth.
The self that sits in the motion of all things, knowing when to stop, pause, let go, and when to begin to let it flow.
Listen to this self my friend, it is trying and trying to speak to you.
Listen, go in and in...
Rooted in the earth-let your roots grow wide and deep in the darkness
If you want to control the mind, start by controlling your tongue
to the depths of the ocean-that sits in the belly
spins and spins...
as breathe moves and grows, hides and shows
you to your truth.
The self that sits in the motion of all things, knowing when to stop, pause, let go, and when to begin to let it flow.
Listen to this self my friend, it is trying and trying to speak to you.
Listen, go in and in...
Rooted in the earth-let your roots grow wide and deep in the darkness
If you want to control the mind, start by controlling your tongue
Chadra Namaskar
The moon,
la luna,
chandakaiya,
she speaks sweetly without words
without words she illuminates the night sky; as bright as ever, cuddling close.
The trees begin to spiral, outwards and away,
as she sits there
still,
bright,
shining.
Vision captivated and thoughts dripping full of beauty
In awe, the moon tonight connects my heart to yours
Goodnight moon...
time for me to sleep as you shine on
la luna,
chandakaiya,
she speaks sweetly without words
without words she illuminates the night sky; as bright as ever, cuddling close.
The trees begin to spiral, outwards and away,
as she sits there
still,
bright,
shining.
Vision captivated and thoughts dripping full of beauty
In awe, the moon tonight connects my heart to yours
Goodnight moon...
time for me to sleep as you shine on
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